Monday, February 15, 2016

Congrats On Your Face

Yes. Ina and I will be talking about video game crushes. Which is very appropriate for a Valentines Post.

And by 'talking about video game crushes,' we mean 'mindless fangirling.' You have been warned.

Alex: Real talk, every time someone attractive in a video game comes around, the one line that goes through my head is “congrats on your face.” There is really no other way for me to express how sometimes a game just throws you off by throwing in an attractive character and leaves you praying “pls don’t die halfway through” and the actual tears and anger that occurs when they do.

So. Here’s my list!

Axel (Kingdom Hearts series)

Behold the face that started the whole "me crushing on video game characters.” This loser, dork, and fashion-impaired douche that I love with all my heart and have no issue pushing off a building because he is such a loser.

Now, I didn't get to read the KH manga (which has a lot more backstory then the damn games themselves jeeze) before KH2, so I didn’t exactly understand the reasoning behind Axel the douche in Chain of Memories and Axel the bad-good guy in KH 2 until much later. But I assure you, when he made an appearance in COM ala Gameboy Advance SP? DANG SON.

Look at this loser’s fashion choice. I mean really.

And that face.
And his “no i don’t want” face in HD makes it all the better.

Zevran Aranai (Dragon Age series)

Ahh Zevran. No one instills more anger about not having proper appearances in follow up videos games than this smooth talking former-crow. Really, when your first meeting includes thwarting his attempts at assassinating you as he literally flirts with you (and possibly everyone else in the party) on the verge of death till you decide his fate? I mean come on.

Look at that face.



Beyond the pretty face, he really is an interesting character, especially when you consider the little nuances that you’d overlook in the first play through, but notice in the second, or even third play through. Also his banter with Oghren, Alistair and Wynne?

A+ Material.

we do not speak of his redesign after Bioware rehashed their Elf-Race look

Axton/Commando (Borderlands 2)

Now Axton was a bit of a left field for me, mostly because Borderlands 2 was a game I thought I wouldn't get emotionally attached to (till Roland died, then I literally paused and went “oh no”). So what’s a person to do when reading about the absolute trash who flirts with everything on two legs (be they man, woman or machine) and is an absolute army dork?

Jeeze. Really Axton. 



He also has some of the weirdest/dumbest heads and it's A+

Steve Fox (Tekken series)

Back then, I considered myself more of a casual fan of Tekken (since I’m pretty bad at it) and only really played the game to get the storyline since I was really fond of the whole Jin/Hwoarang broship, and that the Mishima blood feud. Which was pretty much the worst because literally everyone hates everyone.

And then. Ooh, and then Tekken 4 and the introduction of Steve Fox.

Dang son.


Sure, his British accent may have been fucked over in the succeeding games (make up your minds if you want him to sound swank or yank guys), but that thankfully doesn’t change his appeal.

Adonis Otogari (Ensemble Stars)

Let’s begin this one with “I know, just bury me in my trash” because I promise you, I really did not expect to reach an all new low in Idol Hell.

Look at my precious child. And now he has boyfriend clothes.
When a friend of mine, who I will not disclose because she hates me forever for getting her back into Idol Hell, showed me the opening sequence of the game on YouTube I pretty much zeroed in onto one character and said "YOU are my favorite character." And boy has it been a rollercoaster ride.


Okay, so copy-pasta-ing this straight from the enstar wikia "A quiet young man of mixed blood, Adonis comes from another country, but his Japanese is by no means bad… He loves small and cute animals. However, he's scared of touching them, so he only watches them from a distance”

Yep. I’m gone. 



I will pretty much scream at the top of my lungs how much Adonis is my best boy. My brightest star. As well as throw my money at my cellphone screen for his cards. Damnit.

I'm also throwing in a couple of special mentions because the thirst is very much real and it can't be tamed.

Anders (Dragon Age series)
Never not crying about this man, tbh

Owen (Harvest Moon: Animal Parade)

Garrus Vakarian (Mass Effect series)
Yes I'm crushing on a cat-chicken-alien thing. He's effing adorable.


Ina: Meanwhile, my list is only a testament to how lacking I am in terms of video game variety. Read on and you'll see why.

Terra (Kingdom Hearts series)

Let's lay down some facts here: KH is my number one fandom, and I have excessively talked about it on this blog time and time again. That said, it was practically inevitable that I would include something from the franchise, and while characters like Demyx, Riku, and Roxas all have a special place in my very thirsty heart, I simply cannot deny the attractiveness that is Terra.

Sure, he's a moron who allowed himself to wallow in the darkness, subsequently bringing doom to his friends. But there's no denying that he's an ATTRACTIVE moron, at the very least. Besides, if it weren't for his face, Xehanort wouldn't even have a fraction of the handsomeness we all know Terra provided him with.

Bringing this gif back because it's totally relevant.

Josh Washington (Until Dawn)

I am totally cheating with this one because Josh is essentially RAMI MALEK'S BEAUTIFUL FACE but it's in video game form, so it totally counts, right? Sure, he was a little (okay, a LOTTA) whacked in the head, but how can you even resist this cutie???

You can blow my brains out anytime, baby.

Akihiko Sanada (Persona 3)

While I've never been able to progress very far with Persona 3, and I may or may not have a much bigger crush on Persona 4's Yosuke Hanamura, I feel it is simply necessary to acknowledge Akihiko's godly presence. Trying to deny his charms is like trying to deny every otherworldly pleasure in existence -- it's futile. He is total senpai goals.


What about ten-years-later-detective!Akihiko c/o alternate universe spinoff Persona: Trinity Soul?

And don't forget total DILF!Akihiko from Persona 4 Arena. There is plenty of Akihiko to go around for everybody.

Hope Estheim (Final Fantasy XIII trilogy)

Ah, my precious Hope. Look at that angelic face. I remember being absolutely smitten with this darling when I first played Final Fantasy XIII (though his English voice felt a little off for his looks, frankly), and I very distinctly remember saying that he would grow up to be so, so handsome.

And then, lo and behold, I found Hope in Final Fantasy XIII-2... in young adult form.

My little lovely Hope grew up SO nicely (so you can just imagine my disappointment with Lightning Returns!Hope) just as I knew he would. I will never get enough of adult!Hope.

From baby to babe, fetus to fine: Hope Estheim, everyone.

Klavier Gavin (Ace Attorney series)

Klavier Gavin a.k.a. sexiest prosecutor alive a.k.a GTFO.

Klavier is the epitome of charming and suave. Add to that his rockstar factor and he's pretty much got the rest of the female population wrapped around his very skilled (AHEM) musically inclined fingers. I just. I can't. I really can't with Klavier.

Even when he was younger he was already looking pretty babely.

Pearl is me. SWOON~*~*~*~*~*~ ACHTUNG BABY!

And because I'm a thirsty little shat, here are just a couple of special mentions (at least, ones that I haven't name-dropped in the duration of this post) whose faces are equally worth fawning over:

Reno (Final Fantasy VII series)

Noel Kreiss (Final Fantasy XIII-2/Lightning Returns)

Wakka (Final Fantasy X/2)

Zack Fair (Final Fantasy VII series)

The Final Fantasy XV Kpop Group

Or basically everyone from the Final Fantasy franchise. The thirst is very real.

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